Psalm 127:13-14.
This verse was in todays' one year bible reading plan. I DO remain confident. I KNOW I will see the goodness of the Lord. I have already seen His goodness.
Wait for the Lord, I have that part down. I am waiting. Be strong and take heart...that's the part where I am currently struggling.
I was telling a dear friend on Monday that I didn't realize how hard trust is until it's all in his hands and completely out of ours. Nothing about adoption is in my hands. Honestly, I just want something to control. I felt in control during home study. I filled out my forms like a boss. Seriously, it was type A awesome. I knocked out education requirements. I liked home study.
Well, I did. We're still waiting for our home study to be finalized. I should be grateful, our social work has been amazing! We didn't even begin until right before Christmas and we've moved really fast. At the latest it should be finalized next week, but I am praying for this week! Either way, God has already moved mountains to get us to this point!
Once our home study is finalized, comes the expedite process. My heart has been so, so anxious. The what if's if we aren't granted expedite have been flooding my mind.
My heart knows that the Lord will sustain Paxton. That he has the very day and hour picked that we will have him in our arms. Every minute is planned and has a purpose. It's my head that's getting me into trouble.
I don't want these next few (or longer....) months spent waiting to be full of weakness, anxiousness, and weary. I know the Lord has specific things He still wants to teach me and show me during these times of waiting. I'm calling myself out- I have had trust issues this week. My weakness is showing. Weakness that I know the Lord can change.
The Lord reminded me today of all he did during a long season of waiting a few years ago. We grew and learned so much during that time. He prepared us for this and for other things taking place. If we aren't prepared, he cannot accomplish his purpose through us.
Waiting is where the magic happens.
I don't like waiting, but I am glad that my eyes have been opened. My heart is changing and I am grateful. I don't want to miss the miracles the Lord is going to do in this season of waiting.
There is purpose in the waiting. I want to be prepared for what's to come. With Paxton and with the other unknowns of the future.
I cannot not avoid waiting, and I don't want to. I don't want to miss his purpose or what he is going to accomplish.
So I will be strong and take heart while I wait for the Lord.
