Another one?

"Why do you want another?"

"Isn't three enough?"

"Do you want more kids?"

Do I want more kids?

The truth? Three is enough. Three is hard.  Three is exhausting. Last year, at one point of being in the throws of potty training, talking back, and disobedience...I didn't think I ever wanted more kids.

But God doesn't ask what I want.

I don't want more kids because I feel like our family isn't complete. I don't want more kids because I want an even amount of boys and girls....I don't want more kids because I think I can handle it, or because I think I'm supermom. I assure you, that is definitely not the case. (Although my sweet husband makes me think otherwise, God bless him. Seriously, God bless that man.)  I honestly don't know if I can handle it, not in my own weaknesses. I can't potty train another kid. I don't know if we can afford to send four to college. I don't know if we can afford to feed four teenagers. For those who feed my kids at church every Sunday, can I get an Amen?

It's not about what we can handle. It's about what HE can handle. God doesn't care about what I can handle. The saying, "He won't give you more than you can handle?" It makes me cringe. Because it's not biblical. (you will not be tempted without God providing a way of escape 1 Cor 10:13 is often misquoted. with temptation, we have a choice. with suffering, we don't)  It's a nice little saying, just not accurate. ;)

Adopting isn't about me. It's not about what I thought our family would look like like seven years ago. It's about saying yes to the path God has placed before us. It's about relying on His power in me to raise these children into brave, bold, followers of Christ.  I love Paxton as a mother. More importantly, I have the love of Christ for him.

I look around and wonder what will happen when we bring Paxton home. Will he grieve for weeks? Months? Years? Will he behave have trouble attaching to us? To our children? Will our older kids feel left out? Unloved? Will it take a toll on our marriage? I cannot let the fears of the what ifs stop me from bringing life and hope to the present.

I don't want to think about what I want anymore. I don't want to focus on what I can handle or what I can do on my own (which isn't much). The privilege of walking this path, it's overwhelming. It's terrifying. It's exhausting. It's humbling. It's exciting. It's thrilling. But the best part is seeing God work through it.

To see the Lord working and getting glorified through something you almost didn't say yes to because of fear? That feels me with immense joy. Seeing what he is able to do when I let go of myself- wow. The trust I have for my Father is grater than any fear I have.

That's why I want to add another child to our family.

Obedience is very simple; but it is not always easy.

Disclaimer- I am no English major. I tend to write like I talk, which isn't always so graceful.
So please give me grace for any errors. ;)

Kim

Happy Birthday Paxton!

Happy 2nd Birthday Paxton! 

Yesterday our sweet boy turned 2. 

We celebrated here in Alabama with chocolate cupcakes that these cuties helped make. 

They were so excited to celebrate their brother! 

Paxton celebrated in Ch*na with his own party! We were so blessed to be able to send him a birthday party complete with a cake, fruit, and juice boxes. Loved waking up to this handsome face in my email today! The Lord knows the exact times I need to receive them. 

All this for me?!?

Making a wish! 

 Let's eat! 

You can view a video of them singing happy birthday to him here: 

https://vimeo.com/152745477

password: keenan1

We were also able to send him a photo book with pictures of his family and a toy. Seriously, so blessed to be able to do this! We pray that as he looks at our pictures he is filled with joy and peace. That when we see him in what will hopefully be a few months (i say few to keep my sanity..) we will be familiar faces he is excited to see! 

Seeing my family for the first time! 

How many siblings am I going to have? ;)

You can view a video of him looking at his album here:

https://vimeo.com/152749624

password: keenan2

Paxton, 

You have no idea how much you are loved and longed for. We cannot wait to celebrate the rest of your birthdays with you! If you only knew what this year will hold for you. It's going to be a grand adventure.  God has an amazing plan for your life. We cannot wait!!! 

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

A smile

A huge answer to prayer!

We received our first update this week. My heart burst with joy as I opened the email and saw his handsome face! To have a piece of your heart on the other side of the world is hard. My trust in God has grown immensely. I find peace knowing that as much as we love Paxton, God loves him infinitely more. He has held him up until now and will continue to do so. 

That smile. 

That smile was an answer to prayer. To know that he feels joy. To see that he has a fun, safe place to play outside. To see that he has gained four pounds since his last file update, to know he isn't going hungry. To hear that he has been with his foster family for over a year- he knows what a family is and 

is having his emotional needs met also. Thank you, Lord. You are so incredibly good. 

Paxton has a blood disorder, Beta Thalaseemia Major. It is a genetic condition that prevents his body from producing enough hemoglobin and requires blood transfusions once every 3-4 weeks. The Major refers to the highest severity of the disorder. His numbers reported in the update were low, even lower than those shown when we first saw his file. This is life threatening. Ch*na doesn't have sufficient blood supply and he is not getting transfusions as often as he needs them. We need to get him home as soon as possible to get him the medical care he so desperately needs. 

This brings to me a huge prayer request. We will be appealing to US Immigration in the next few weeks to expedite his adoption. 

How you can begin to pray for the expedite process: 

1. We have obtained two expedite letters from doctors and would love to get one more- pray we are able to obtain that this week. 

2. For the workers and Dr.'s at the orphanage (he spends his days here away from his foster family) to agree that he needs to come home ASAP in order to improve his health. That they will not be insulted by our request. 

3. Our home study is almost complete and the next step is the I-800a process (approval from the US for us to go to Ch*na to adopt). Pray that we will be granted a same day appointment after we drive to Birmingham and beg, cry, and plead for one. ;) 

4. Once we receive our fingerprints, we can apply for expedite. This will be requested via email and then followed up with a phone call. PRAY that the person on the receiving end will be understanding and gracious of our request. PRAY that we will be granted the expedite. This can save us 1-3 months in the adoption process!

Additional prayer requests: 

1. Please pray that Paxton will receive a transfusion soon and for his hemoglobin levels to rise!

2. That our home study will be finalized by the end of the week. 

3. For our fundraising goals to be met. We will prayerfully be bringing him home even sooner and that means less time to save, receive grants, etc. We know that God has called us to this moment and that He will provide! 

Pray is powerful. 

 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

Hebrews 10:23

Love y'all! 

Finding Paxton

The Lord called us to adoption in 2012. My heart was always drawn towards Africa, specifically Uganda. At the time we had a 2 year old, 1 year old, and a newborn. We knew that we wouldn't begin the adoption process for a few years. The Lord had given us their names and we began to pray for them (yes, I said them, we would love if 5 kids were in our plan) by name. Our biological children have always heard us talk about adoption. So many questions, "when are they coming home? what is his favorite color?" "can we get bunk beds?" "won't his mommy miss him" "but when?!?". It has been great lesson on patience for them and God's timing. Okay, a great lesson for us. Okay, a great lesson for me mostly.

God has done a huge work in my heart over the past few years. I was always so focused on what I wanted my life to look like and not willing to compromise the timeline I desired. He has taught me so much about faith and complete trust. I can say without an ounce of hesitation, that he knows what is best for me. Through every single trial, ending, beginning, and heartache, he has sewn together a beautiful life. I am incredibly grateful for his grace. For so long I prayed for revelations on our adoption plans. I would plead for direction on countries, sex, age. And for a long time I didn't hear him.

My heart wasn't right. I wasn't completely surrendered to Christ and his plans for my life. I was caught up on past disappointments, selfishness and a lack of joy. In 2013 that changed. When I began to truly seek God and nurture my relationship with him. I surrendered to true discipleship, worship, and prayer. And my life hasn't been the same sense. I finally started to hear from the holy spirit.
I write out all of these details because they were all a crucial part in finding our son. If you feel like you are not hearing from God, do not give up. Press on. I promise he is there. He is waiting for you.

In the spring of 2015 we watched two families answer the call to adoption. Both were so incredibly faithful to the path the Lord placed them on. Both were called to Ch*na and to medical special needs. Friends that we wouldn't have met if we wouldn't have stepped foot into Church of the Highlands. A journey in itself that was challenging and bittersweet. But God. He directs our steps and leads us to our purpose. I am so humbled and grateful for that direction.

At the time, we had decided that we would pursue adoption through foster care in the fall of 2016. I even said that, "I don't feel led to Ch*na, that's for other families, not us". During the month of August and September the Lord was teaching me even more about complete surrender. I was so hungry to be in his will no matter what it looked like (or didn't look like). He was preparing me. On Sunday, September 20, the Lord told me that we would go to Ch*na.

Obviously the Lord doesn't always give exact details when he speaks. =) Adam and I continued to pray about where and when he would send us. Would we adopt from Africa first and then Ch*na? Could he have possibly just meant a mission trip to Ch*na? =)

On Sunday, November 22,  I could not get Ch*na out of my mind, heart, or spirit. I was honestly anxious because my heart was already there but I knew it would be another year before we would begin at the earliest. On the way home from church Wren was asking all about her brother, Paxton. Her sweet, compassionate, heart was so worried over the idea that he was scared and not able to go to church. I'm so grateful the same holy spirit that talks to me talks to my children. That evening, one of the families who had adopted from Ch*na (and had sense brought their little girl home) shared an image of a little boy. A little boy who God had pressed on her heart in a big way. When I saw that image, my heart stopped. I had always wondered how people "find" their children when adopting. How do they "know"? In that moment, when we saw his picture, he was our son. I was wrecked with love, humbleness and gratefulness. I will be eternally grateful to my precious friend, Ashley, for advocating for our son.

As soon as I saw his face it was peace. Peace that only the Lord can give. I wasn't worried about how we would pay for international adoption, I wasn't scared of his special needs, and I wasn't worried about any of it. I had a supernatural peace. I can share more about the faithfulness of the Lord on that word later. =) "I am leaving you with a gift- peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So do not be troubled or afraid." John 14:27

That night we applied with Lifeline. The following days and weeks were consumed by paperwork and praying for favor. Favor for this little boy who a few days ago wasn't there but now he is our son who is over 8,000 miles away. On December 22nd we received pre approval. One month after we saw his sweet, brave, kind, perfect, peaceful face we received pre approval. Three days before Christmas. Happy is an understatement.

The Lord is faithful. He is so incredibly faithful. We are humbled.

Paxton, we love you and cannot wait to have you in our arms. You are our peace. You have already taken us on the most amazing journey. We are honored to be yours.