Finding Paxton

The Lord called us to adoption in 2012. My heart was always drawn towards Africa, specifically Uganda. At the time we had a 2 year old, 1 year old, and a newborn. We knew that we wouldn't begin the adoption process for a few years. The Lord had given us their names and we began to pray for them (yes, I said them, we would love if 5 kids were in our plan) by name. Our biological children have always heard us talk about adoption. So many questions, "when are they coming home? what is his favorite color?" "can we get bunk beds?" "won't his mommy miss him" "but when?!?". It has been great lesson on patience for them and God's timing. Okay, a great lesson for us. Okay, a great lesson for me mostly.

God has done a huge work in my heart over the past few years. I was always so focused on what I wanted my life to look like and not willing to compromise the timeline I desired. He has taught me so much about faith and complete trust. I can say without an ounce of hesitation, that he knows what is best for me. Through every single trial, ending, beginning, and heartache, he has sewn together a beautiful life. I am incredibly grateful for his grace. For so long I prayed for revelations on our adoption plans. I would plead for direction on countries, sex, age. And for a long time I didn't hear him.

My heart wasn't right. I wasn't completely surrendered to Christ and his plans for my life. I was caught up on past disappointments, selfishness and a lack of joy. In 2013 that changed. When I began to truly seek God and nurture my relationship with him. I surrendered to true discipleship, worship, and prayer. And my life hasn't been the same sense. I finally started to hear from the holy spirit.
I write out all of these details because they were all a crucial part in finding our son. If you feel like you are not hearing from God, do not give up. Press on. I promise he is there. He is waiting for you.

In the spring of 2015 we watched two families answer the call to adoption. Both were so incredibly faithful to the path the Lord placed them on. Both were called to Ch*na and to medical special needs. Friends that we wouldn't have met if we wouldn't have stepped foot into Church of the Highlands. A journey in itself that was challenging and bittersweet. But God. He directs our steps and leads us to our purpose. I am so humbled and grateful for that direction.

At the time, we had decided that we would pursue adoption through foster care in the fall of 2016. I even said that, "I don't feel led to Ch*na, that's for other families, not us". During the month of August and September the Lord was teaching me even more about complete surrender. I was so hungry to be in his will no matter what it looked like (or didn't look like). He was preparing me. On Sunday, September 20, the Lord told me that we would go to Ch*na.

Obviously the Lord doesn't always give exact details when he speaks. =) Adam and I continued to pray about where and when he would send us. Would we adopt from Africa first and then Ch*na? Could he have possibly just meant a mission trip to Ch*na? =)

On Sunday, November 22,  I could not get Ch*na out of my mind, heart, or spirit. I was honestly anxious because my heart was already there but I knew it would be another year before we would begin at the earliest. On the way home from church Wren was asking all about her brother, Paxton. Her sweet, compassionate, heart was so worried over the idea that he was scared and not able to go to church. I'm so grateful the same holy spirit that talks to me talks to my children. That evening, one of the families who had adopted from Ch*na (and had sense brought their little girl home) shared an image of a little boy. A little boy who God had pressed on her heart in a big way. When I saw that image, my heart stopped. I had always wondered how people "find" their children when adopting. How do they "know"? In that moment, when we saw his picture, he was our son. I was wrecked with love, humbleness and gratefulness. I will be eternally grateful to my precious friend, Ashley, for advocating for our son.

As soon as I saw his face it was peace. Peace that only the Lord can give. I wasn't worried about how we would pay for international adoption, I wasn't scared of his special needs, and I wasn't worried about any of it. I had a supernatural peace. I can share more about the faithfulness of the Lord on that word later. =) "I am leaving you with a gift- peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So do not be troubled or afraid." John 14:27

That night we applied with Lifeline. The following days and weeks were consumed by paperwork and praying for favor. Favor for this little boy who a few days ago wasn't there but now he is our son who is over 8,000 miles away. On December 22nd we received pre approval. One month after we saw his sweet, brave, kind, perfect, peaceful face we received pre approval. Three days before Christmas. Happy is an understatement.

The Lord is faithful. He is so incredibly faithful. We are humbled.

Paxton, we love you and cannot wait to have you in our arms. You are our peace. You have already taken us on the most amazing journey. We are honored to be yours.